Homily for the Twenty-Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year A

Stop Hugging Your Anger And Resentment 

Rev. Marcel Divine Emeka Okwara, CSsR

Homily for the Twenty-Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year A

Church of St. Bridget of Minneapolis, MN

Sunday, September 17, 2023

The central themes that run through the readings today are anger, vengeance, and forgiveness. From the marvelous book of Sirach we read, “Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight.” Even though we know that holding grudges is so self-destructive, we hold them tight anyway. We hang on to them. Someone harmed you or insulted you decades ago, you are still not over with it. In my pastoral ministry, I have found out that the people who are closest to us, the people we love the most— that is members of our families, are often those we hold grudges the longest. In 2022, a poll conducted by The New York Times and Siena College showed that one in five American voters (19%) said that politics had hurt their friendships or family relationships. Some Christian brothers and sisters are not in talking terms due to politics. When I was in California, a woman that usually takes me out once a month stopped inviting me, and stopped talking to me. Why? Because I am not a fan of her favorite politician. And she is a pious Catholic. Resentment is such a terrible vice. And when it comes to holding resentment tight, everyone is a distinguished expert. 

But what is anger? For the angelic scholar, St. Thomas Aquinas, anger is a passion for revenge that goes beyond the control of reason. Thomas knew there is something called the justified anger or righteous anger, which is the passion to set things right. Jesus entering the temple and overturning the tables of moneychangers is an example of righteous anger. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. calling on this nation to rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed that all men and women are created equal is another example of righteous anger. He was angry at social injustice in the nation and wanted to set it right. That kind of anger is not what St. Thomas Aquinas was talking about. The deadly sin of anger is always a passion for revenge: you hurt me in some ways and I am going to get back at you. It is not a desire to set things right or to reestablish justice, rather a desire to hurt you and punish you. 

What’s the antidote? How do we stop hugging tight our resentment? The classic antidote is called forgiveness. In the preaching of Jesus, forgiveness was so central. In our Gospel for today (Matthew 18:21-35), Peter approaches Jesus and asks, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus shocks him, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.” Meaning, again and again and again without limit. But what is forgiveness precisely? If two people who are meant to be in union are separated from each other because some injustice was done, we naturally expect each, in justice to do their part to come together. I make a move towards my bother, he also makes a move towards me and we come back together. We are reconciled by equal move to the center. If this happens, that’s great! Glory be to God! That’s the reestablishment of justice. I do my part, you do your part. But what is forgiveness? It is bearing the burden of another: I will do my part even though you don’t bend. I will bear your burden. I will go the extra mile. I will do what you should have done. Even if you continue to run away, I will continue to do my part. And how often should I do this? Jesus says “seventy-seven times.” If you do your part, and your opponent refuses to do his, and you say, “I am not going to take one more step towards your direction,” you are hugging your resentment tightly. Forgiveness is going an extra mile seventy-seven times. It is doing what he should have done. Is this hard! Absolutely! 

But why should I embark on this very difficult project? Why should I forgive seventy-seven times? Two reasons. One, because God’s forgiveness of us is contingent on our forgiveness of others. Sirach says, “Forgive your neighbors injustice; then when you pray, your own sins will be forgiven” (Sirach 28:2) Jesus himself says? “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” (Matthew 6:12). Two, because we have been forgiven that way. God has forgiven us uncountable times. How often do we confess our sins and promise not to sin again? Beyond numbers! And when we run away from God, God runs towards us. Think of the shepherd looking for the lost sheep! That’s how God goes in search of us. So, we should forgive each other in the same measure. Is this difficult? Yes, very difficult! But Jesus said, “Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Jesus is not calling us to spiritual mediocrity, rather to spiritual heroism. Writing to the Christians in Galatia, St. Paul says, “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me (2:20). If Christ lives in you, if the same Christ who forgives you seventy-seven times lives in you, then you must forgive your brother and sisters the same way.

Now, if you have been hugging tight your anger and resentment, and want to bring that to an end, send the person a nice letter, a greeting card, a phone call and if possible, a face to face conversation. Tell the person you have come in peace. Reach out and try to resume that relationship. Do something concrete to repair the broken relationship. More to it, if you have been hurt, seek reconciliation quickly. Forgive quickly! If what happened is left unattended to, it festers. More importantly, let us stop talking behind people’s backs. It is a spiritual poison that accomplishes nothing. It might fulfill some psychological need, and that is why we do it. But spiritually, it is deadly. It just feeds resentment. Let us criticize another only in the measure we want to be criticized. If what you are about to say about another person is said about you, and you know you won’t like it, then keep your mouth shut. The late South-African reggae musician, Lucky Dube sang, “If you can’t say something good about somebody, just shut up.” Lots of gossip, backbiting, destructive criticism etc will end if we live by these principles. 

What is the great sign of forgiveness for Christians? Jesus on the cross! From the cross he prayed, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” If there is anyone who will be justified in his anger, it is Jesus, the sinless Son of God nailed to the cross by cruel people. Yet, the words that come from his mouth are words of forgiving love. When he comes back to his disciples after the resurrection, to those who betray him, deny him, abandon him in his moment of greatest need, the word on his lips is “shalom!” (peace). That’s the word of forgiveness and reconciliation. Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet we hug them tight. I urge you now to let go and walk the path of forgiving love. 

God bless you!