COVID-19 AND SOCIAL DISTANCING: HOW TO STILL PRACTICE LOVINGKINDNESS

Rev. Marcel E. Okwara, CSsR

Friday, April 17, 2020

Coronavirus is mean. It is so mean for it has brought upon us what no other misfortune has ever done. It has inflicted upon us what no natural disaster or terrorist attack has done or accomplished. Although natural disasters like earthquake, tornado, hurricane, extreme flooding do destroy human lives and people’s means of livelihood, but they hardly set us apart from each other. 911 cost lives and livelihood, but it never separated people physically from each other. Hurricane Katrina cost lives and wiped out people’s homes and livelihood, but it never set people physically apart from each other. As for coronavirus, it has taken thousands of lives, sickened hundreds of thousands of people, widened and deepened the gap between family members, friends, colleagues, neighbors and churchgoing folks. It has cost people their jobs, wiped out people’s savings, shut down large and small businesses— and some of them won’t make it and won’t come back. Churches, synagogues, and other religious worship centers are empty; parks are empty; restaurants are empty; downtowns are empty; airports are empty; resort places are empty; major and significant places of interest are empty; government buildings are empty; even streets and highways are empty as well. 

In the past when we faced natural disasters or terrorist attacks or economic recession, we pulled together, came together, held hands together, prayed together, grieved together, attended religious and social activities together which helped us connect and heal together as a people and as one family. Today, as we face another adversity— COVID-19 outbreak, we are being told to shelter in place and to socially distance from each other. We are being asked to eschew social visits— “don’t visit people and don’t let people visit you.” People with sick, elderly and dying loved ones are prevented from visiting them in nursing homes, hospitals and other healthcare settings. Heart-wrenching stories abounds of family members who stood outside of a facility and waved at their loved ones whom they could not see due to social distancing, of people who died alone without their loved ones at their bedsides and without their religious ministers around to pray and minister the last rites to them. During the most difficult period of their lives many stayed in isolation and died alone unable to give their last words of love and affection to their loved ones and unable to receive such from their loved ones. It is heartbreaking! This is why I said that coronavirus is mean and so mean. 

Amid this pandemic, people of faith globally have struggled to cope with not being able to gather at their worship centers. For many Catholics, not being able to attend Sunday Masses, not being able to be part of the Holy Week activities (Palm Sunday, Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Vigil) and Easter Sunday is something they never ever imagined would happen in their life time. But my spirit was boosted by how many people in my church found a way to partake in some of the liturgical activities. On Holy Thursday, for instance, many of my parishioners drove to the church, and outside the church’s parking lot, they parked next to each other facing one of the exits of the school building. Seated patiently in their cars, they waited for the Mass to be over and for the priests to bring the Blessed Sacrament out so they too can do from inside their cars, what they had done on every Holy Thursday— adore Jesus Christ who is present Soul and Divinity in the Blessed Sacrament. When we brought the Blessed Sacrament to a place where the people can view it, some sat in their cars for about an hour praying. Before driving home, they blessed themselves with the sign of the cross, bowed to the Blessed Sacrament, took some pictures, and waved to us the priests who stood behind the Blessed Sacrament. I was profoundly inspired by the faith of my parishioners, for their creativity and for their refusal to not let coronavirus win again. It was a very cold night in Minnesota, but people were not deterred. They found a way to adore Jesus the Lord. 

As we practice social distancing and physically stay away from each other due to the outbreak of COVID-19, there is still a way we can creatively stay in touch with each other. The Hebrew word hesed which means “lovingkindness” is not merely an emotion or feeling. It involves action on behalf of someone who is in need. Hesed is a sense of love and loyalty that inspires merciful and compassionate behavior toward another person. Hesed is about taking steps to help those struggling with illness, grief or emotional distress. Although it is very difficult during this time to offer hesed— because hesed is about being physically present for others: “When I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me” (Matt. 25:35). When someone is hungry, hesed requires us not to say, “Go in peace, keep warm, and eat well” (James 2:16), but to try and give them the necessities of the body. When someone is ill, we don’t just send email or text messages or a get-well card, we visit them at home or in the hospital. When someone dies, we don’t just send sympathy cards, we make plans to attend the funeral and to comfort the bereaved. That’s what hesed calls and requires. That’s what the Christian faith enjoins. That’s what Jesus expects. 

When carrying out acts of hesed, the emphasis is not so much on what we say but on what we do. When I was being trained as a hospital chaplain, my CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) supervisor stressed the importance of using a spiritual assessment model to draw a patient or the family member to open up. The goal is for the chaplain to speak very little and for the patient or anyone who is associated with them who is experiencing spiritual distress or pain to speak more. If the cause of the spiritual or emotional pain is the loss of a close family member, my supervisor would insist that rather than say anything that is unhelpful and unnecessary— something like “your mother is in a better place” or “your daughter is happy where she is right now” the best approach would be to be present, acknowledge the grief, the pain, the loss and empathetically respond to their needs. I must confess the ministry of presence, the ministry of being with a patient or a family member and not saying much was at first difficult for me. I am a Redemptorist priest. I am a preacher. I have been trained to talk, to preach, and to teach. So, to sit or stand by the side and allow a patient raise questions and not providing the answers right away was not easy for me. Throughout unit one and two of my CPE training, I struggled with this approach to ministry. I struggled with not being the talker. I wanted to say more to my patients. And sometimes I wished I could do more for them too.  

During this pandemic, many of us are trying our best to offer support to our loved ones, but finding it too difficult. Like me during my CPE training, you want to do more and you wish you can do more. Now, while we cannot physically be present like we used to, there are still ways we can connect with each other and be present in other’s lives. Here in St. Alphonsus Catholic Church, the pastor has been doing a weekly robocalls to the parishioners. We have been streaming the Sunday Masses live. These two approaches to connect with our parishioners have been well received by the people. This past week, we have held parish council meeting on Zoom. So, while we may not be physically present to each other, we can still use God’s gifts of science and technology like Zoom, iPhone FaceTime, WhatsApp video call, Facebook Messenger audio and video call etc. to be present to each other and in each other’s life. We can still use each of these to keep each other company, see each other, share our joys and worries, share our spiritual and theological reflections, most importantly, explore what I have been calling lately, the theology of COVID-19 (coronavirus). There is a lot to learn from the pandemic. I don’t believe it is God’s punishment on the world as some preachers and priests do, but he allowed it to happen. Why did God allow it? Why didn’t God prevent it? These and many other questions we can explore by using one of the technological tools available to us. Coronavirus has kept us physically apart from each other, but we can still find ways to be present to each other. 

Stay healthy and stay safe!