When A Family Dies, God Is Homeless

Rev. Marcel Emeka Okwara, CSsR

Homily for the Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B

St. Mary’ s of Assumption Church, Whittier, CA

Sunday, October 4, 2015

We don’t have to be erudite theologians to figure out that today’s readings are about marriage and family. The opening words of the first reading: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him” (Gen. 2:18) is about marriage. It’s about the institution of the holy sacrament we call marriage or matrimony. The first man, Adam, was lonely and most certainly not pleased with his situation, but didn’t know how to resolve it. So, God stepped in and did something about his condition. You know, there are so many times in our lives when God too stepped in and resolved issues for us even before we asked him for help. There are uncountable times that the Good God stepped in and prevented something harmful from happening to us. There are so many times that Jesus stepped in and took care of business for us. When God saw how miserable and lonely Adam was, he did not wait for him to ask, he stepped in and did something about it. Strictly speaking, Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden. There were several animals on the ground and in air that God had created. They lived with him. In fact, he was the one that gave each its name. But none provided a suitable company and companion for him. He was still lonely and sad. So, God put him to sleep, and while he was asleep, God took one of his ribs and built “something” beautiful, elegant and magnificent. God polished this amazing design really well and put in her something that would definitely make Adam cheerful, glow and happy. In her, God put the best and the finest qualities and then brought her to Adam. As soon as Adam saw God’s newest and latest design, he, for the first time, smiled and said, “(Yes) at last, this one is the bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called ‘woman’” (Gen. 2:23). If you have been wondering why women are the ones that bring out the best in men, this is your answer. If you have been wondering why behind every successful, happy and fulfilled man, there is a woman, you’ve your answer. The right woman brings out the best in the right man. That is “…why a man (would usually) leave his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them (would) become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). The woman is a man’s other-half, better-half, soulmate and a suitable partner. 

Today’s Gospel (Mark 10:2-16) is divided in two parts. The first part (10:1-12) is about the prohibition of divorce by Jesus: “God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” In those words, Jesus also highlights the origin of marriage—God. He tells us that marriage is not only a human phenomenon, it’s also a divine event. He insists that God is interested in marriage. God is involved in marriage. God is the creator of marriage. Marriage was not invented by humans but by God.  As such, no human being can rightly assume God’s authority to destroy a union that God has joined together. Although there are some situations when the Church, the Bride of Jesus Christ, would on his behalf dissolve and annul some marriages, but those are marriages that shouldn’t have taken place in the first place. The second part of the Gospel (10:13-16) is about the fruits of marriage— children. Like some of us who sometimes try to prevent or deny some (unborn) children the opportunity to live and experience God’s love and to come to know Jesus, the overzealous disciples also tried to prevent some kids from coming to experience Jesus, the true Life. But Jesus rebuked them: “Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Mark 10:14). Another way of saying this is: “Allow the children to be born. Do not abort them. Do not stop them. Give them the opportunity to live. Give them the opportunity to know, love and serve me. Give them the chance to live and experience me.” Jesus also said that anyone who wants to be saved must accept the kingdom of God like a child. What does that mean? The little ones are generally innocent, simple, and very trusting. They do not keep malice. They are generally submissive. Most importantly, they are very welcoming. We are therefore called to accept the kingdom of God with open arms just like a child who is receiving an unexpected gift.

The family is an important institution that should be promoted by all. Check this out! God came to us through a family. God entered our world, dwelt among us through a family. The family is a school where the mother, father and children are the students. They are majoring in the field of Living Together as One. As such, they take courses like theology of love, theology of understanding, theology of forgiveness, theology of prayer, theology of service, theology of tolerance, theology of family, theology of explanation, listening and communication, theology of raising children, theology of obedience and respect, theology of give and take.  In this school, no one is less important and no one is more important. Everyone is important. In this school, there is no perfect person. At the World Gathering of Families in Philadelphia, Pope Francis said, “There is no perfect family. We have no perfect parents, we are not perfect, do not get married to a perfect person, neither do we have perfect children.” This imperfection, occasionally, causes us to disappoint one another. When that happens, complaints and hurts follow. The family can get back up only when the medicine of forgiveness is taken or applied. Forgiveness must be asked and must be given. Any family that wants to stay together must use the medicine of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the ointment of healing. It cleanses the mind and heart and brings healing to both the injurer and the injured. According to Pope Francis, “Without forgiveness, the family becomes a theater of conflict and a bastion of grievances. Without forgiveness, the family becomes sick.” And if the medicine of forgiveness is not taken, the family will die. 

Beloved in Christ, if there is one place in the world that God is certainly present, it is in the family. Yes, God is present everywhere. He can be encountered anywhere. But he is extremely present in the family. Whenever a new family is formed through the sacrament of matrimony, God takes his supreme and rightful place. And when a family dies, God cries. God is chased away. God is made homeless. To all the families here, I want you to know this, God is present with you. What you are into was ordained by him from the beginning of creation. Do not let the inconveniences of marriage render God homeless. When a man leaves his father and mother and clings unto his wife, God clings unto them. When the holy union brings a child and both parents accept the child, God is glorified and is even made more present. On the face of the newly born, God’s face can be seen. Again I urge you, do not let the pressure of work, the disagreement and misunderstanding, the stress of keeping your family to want to end your marriage. In the midst of all the struggles, God is present with you. Like the Holy Family, build your family on God. Make Jesus the cornerstone, the foundation and the center of your family. A dysfunctional family renders God homeless. An unhealthy family renders God homeless. A father who is never at home and available to his family, who spends more time at the drinking bar with friends renders God homeless. A mother who is never present in the life of her children renders God homeless. God is homeless when spouses don’t forgive each other. God is homeless when spouses see divorce as an easy way out of their marriage. God is homeless when children are not loved, catered for, trained and raised in the way of God. God is homeless when a once lively and happy family becomes cold. God is homeless when a husband prefers another woman other than his wife. God is homeless when a wife prefers another man other than her husband. God is homeless when love between a man and his wife dies. God lives in the family. God wants to live in the family. The family is the domestic church. When any family crumbles and dies, God becomes homeless. In his homelessness, God also cries.