My Mother, Happiness and Joy

Rev. Marcel Divine Emeka Okwara, CSsR

Thursday, December 10, 2020

My mother suffered diabetes and its bruising consequences for 18 years before she finally died. But throughout those years, she never experienced or expressed emotional or spiritual distress. Her faith in God was firm as a rock. In the midst of so many symptoms and reactions caused by diabetes, her joy never waned or faded. She did not complained or lamented. One early morning, I overheard her praying to God, and this is what she said: "Lord, I pray you heal me but if healing me would cause me to abandon you and lose heaven, please, keep the sickness." Other times I heard her utter those words, I cried privately. 

Like most diabetic patients in Nigeria, my mother's choice of food was so limited. My sisters ensured that she ate only what the doctors had approved for her. During Christmas, when everyone is eating lavishly, my mother would only watch and wished she could eat what everyone was eating. But she never complained bitterly. With total resignation to the will of God, she accepted her fate and situation . In one occasion, I said to my siblings: "Mama is not a lucky woman. She spent all these years (after papa died) engaged in all manners of trade in order to raise her children, and when she is supposed to take a breather and enjoy the fruits of her labor, diabetes struck and denied her the opportunity." They all agreed with me but also said that Mama is contented. My mother's medical condition was enough to cause a fainthearted despair, but she did not. Some people even looked at her then and wondered what was the reason for happiness. She was not merely happy, but joyful. 

You know, in normal and journalistic term and usage, happiness and joy are interchangeably used. We see them as synonyms. But theologically speaking, they do not have the same meaning. For according to the Dutch Catholic priest, professor and theologian, Henri Nouwen, happiness is dependent on external conditions like wealth, good health, good job, thriving business, stable family, safe environment etc. but joy is "the experience of knowing that you are unconditionally loved and that nothing – sickness, failure, emotional distress, oppression, war, or even death - can take that love away." Joy can be present even in the midst of sickness, sadness and struggle. 

My mother was not born with a golden or silver spoon in her mouth; she did not marry a wealthy man. After her husband, my father passed away, her economic condition worsened. Her entire life was about labor and toil. In spite of all that, the need and lack, my mother was never bitter or angry. In summary, she was pleased with her life and pleasant to others. On the day she died, she woke up early in the morning, as usual said her prayer, sang praises to God, spoke and gave counsel to my elder sister about wide range of things concerning the family, thanked her for all the sacrifice she made while taking care of her. Before she breathe her last, she said, "I named my son, Uchechukwu (God's will). So, only God's will will be done. Nothing lasts for ever." Then she added, "Jesus, be merciful unto me, and receive my soul." Turning to my elder sister, she said, "My daughter, goodbye. Take care of yourself. God bless you." With that, she dropped her head in my elder sister's hand and transitioned to glory.

The point I am making is that joy and pain can coexistent. Joy is not contingent on what we have or where we are or what we are doing. It does not rest upon the material acquisition or achievements. It is rather the experience of knowing that God loves you with an everlasting love, that God's love for you cannot fade or wore out. It is about knowing that you are exceeding loved by the almighty God. So, I urge you to realize that you are a special person to God. May the awareness of God's depth of love for you trigger you now to be joyful and dance all the days of your life. If you are going through a difficult time in your life right now, stop looking at your trouble. Look at the immensity of God's love for you, and in gratitude speak to him about your situation. May the One who loves you exceedingly hear your prayer of mercy and help. Amen