Forgiveness Is Not Optional 

Rev. Marcel Divine Emeka Okwara, CSsR

Homily for the Twenty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year A

St. Gerard Majella Church, Baton Rouge, LA

September 7, 2014

Conflicts seem to be deeply rooted in the human condition. Even in families there is conflict. Throughout the Bible there are stories of persistent conflict between Cain and Abel, between Sarah and Hagar, between Esau and Jacob. Even among families that appear outwardly peaceful there can be deep divisions. And in churches, Jesus knows we will wrong each other intentionally and unintentionally.  A closer look at Paul’s letters to early Christians shows that a good number of them are on how to handle the conflicts that come with being a community. Paul would not have told the community to put aside quarreling and jealousy if there wasn't a problem would he? Conflicts are not something that Jesus was silent about. He even gave us a good method of dealing with those who offend us. In today’s gospel, Matthew 18:15-20 Jesus says: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.” That is fraternal correction. The reason for fraternal correction is shown in the second reading taken Romans 13:8-10 “Brothers and sisters, owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another, for one who loves another has fulfilled the law…You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no evil to the neighbor; hence, love is the fulfillment of the law.” To those we love, we correct fraternally. To those we love, we tolerate. To those we love, we are patient with. To those we love, we forgive. When there is love, there is fraternal correction. The commandment to correct a brother or a sister who offended us can only be obeyed when there is love. After all the Peter 4:8 says that “Love covers multitude of sins.”

If anyone offends us, we should avoid talking about the incident with others before we bring it to attention of the offender. Nothing is said until it is said before the person. If you are hurt by what someone had said or did, confront the person in a gentle and respectful manner. Hold on one hand the courage of narrating what had taken place, and on the other hand hold forgiveness. Forgiveness offers us and our offender healing. It sets us free from the bondage of anger and then widens our space.

Now forgiveness does not mean overlooking what someone has done to us. The emotions we feel when someone hurt us are genuine, real, upsetting, and they must be honestly and painfully acknowledged and dealt with. Doing this can provide a way of healing and forgiveness. Harboring feelings of resentment, unforgiveness, anger, hate and rage can prevent the healing process from ever beginning. To forgive is not to say that what others did to us was okay. To genuinely forgive means refusing to allow hurt  stop us from growing and moving forward. If we refuse to move forward instead wallow in hurt and anger, we become paralyzed by the evil that has taken place. Unforgiveness limits our freedom. An unforgiving spirit can harden one’s heart and block it from any flow of love. One is terribly diminished when he or she refuses to forgive. If we are sincere about forgiveness, we must allow God to remove our hard-heartedness and meanness of spirit. Forgiveness does not mean forgetfulness. It is rather a conscious decision that we make in our head, and pray that it slowly descends to my heart. When it comes to forgiveness, we have no option but to forgive. As followers of Christ, we cannot pick and choose who to forgive and who not to forgive. We are called by the Lord to forgive everyone. And to be able to accomplish that, Jesus lays three practical steps for us: If anyone offends you, approach them in the Spirit of the Lord and bring the incident to their attention. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if the meeting fails to produce an honest reconciliation, invite one or two persons to join you in resolving the matter. Still, if reconciliation and healing continue to be elusive, take the matter to the church. Tell your priests about it. Tell some trusted elders of the church about it. In the end, if they refuse to listen to the peace and reconciliation process initiated by the church, if they reject your peace and healing offering, then you can consider them as nominal Christians and treat them as such. Such persons who refuse and reject peace, healing, and reconciliation cannot be said to be truly disciples of Jesus Christ in actuality. But inasmuch as we are to treat them, as “Gentiles and tax-collectors” as suggested by Jesus, we are still expected to love and pray for them. For the one who said: “…then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector” (Matthew 18: 17), also said, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

What makes Jesus the most credible person to teach about forgiveness and reconciliation is that what he asks us to do, he himself had done. There is nothing he asks his followers to do that he himself did not do. He’s a perfect example of one who practiced what he taught and preached. After he was hung upon the cross, his executioners turned him into an object of mockery. They touted him saying, “He saved others, but cannot save himself. He claims to be the king of Israel, let him come down now from the cross and we will believe in him” (Matthew 27:42). When he called and prayed to his Father out of deep pains, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?”, which means, “My God, my God, why did you abandon me?” they jeered at him saying, “He is calling on Elijah.” As if that was not enough, they “took a sponge, soaked it in a cheap wine, put it on the end of a stick, and tried to make him drink it.” Again, they boasted saying, “…let us see if Elijah is coming to save him.” Jesus was pushed and challenged extremely by the arrogant executioners. They tested and tempted him beyond limit to see if he would use his powers in a negative sense. Surely, a man who healed the sick,  who raised the dead, who walked on waters, healed lepers, multiplied few loaves of bread and fish to feed multitude, made the blind see and deaf to hear can obliterate the foolish and arrogant soldiers simply by his spoken word. But at the peak of his physical pain, at the height of his psychological pain, deep and profound pain of total rejection and abandonment by all, Jesus still found the courage to shockingly say, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Is that not amazing? In the same manner, he calls us to offer forgiveness to those who offend us. When we forgive, we too can have the courage to approach our merciful God and say, “Forgive me Lord for I have sinned.” In the Lord’s Prayer we say, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” We cannot possibly and confidently approach God and ask for mercy, for forgiveness from him when we have not forgiven our offender. It does not make any sense to ask from God what we have refused to give to others, something that we have the capacity to do.  The basis of forgiveness is love. We don’t often forgive easily because we don’t love enough. 

The commonly used expression “Forgive and forget” is not a scriptural and Christian saying. Jesus offers us another way in which we can forgive. He does not want us to simply forget past hurt. He wants us to talk about it with our offender and then resolve the problem. When we forgive in the name of Jesus Christ and with his grace we can actually help others who have been deeply hurt begin the process of being healed.  Jesus wants us to forgive, because to err is human, but to forgive is divine. 

Be healed in your mind and in your heart!