Reach out and forgive
Fr. Marcel Divine Emeka Okwara CSsR
Homily for the Twenty-Third Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year A
September 4, 2011
Today’s first and the second scriptural readings and the gospel are among those passages in the Bible that are so relevant and practical in our lives today as they were thousands of years ago when they were first written. They remind us that as faithful children of the light, it is our duty and responsibility to reach out to those who have hurt us, to those who are not so faithful, and to those who have walked away from our Christian community and bring them back to our fold. And the three readings even recommended practical steps on how to accomplish this.
A story is told of a young lady, Lucy, who strayed from the church as a teenager. After nine years of trying atheism, spiritism, and new age, she found her way back again to the church by the grace of God. Now while narrating the story of her escapades, Lucy said that what hurt her deeply in all her nine years of spiritual exile is that nobody in her church missed her. She said nobody ever called her on the phone to know what is wrong with her or visited to find out why she stopped coming to church. She said, “Of course the indifference and the silence of all the people in my church gave me the impression that the church does not want me.” Of course the church needs everybody including the likes of Lucy. But what are we doing to help the many men and women in Lucy’s situation to find their way back into the church, particularly into our parish? Both the first reading and the gospel invite us to review our indifferent attitude towards the fallen and lax members of our church, and also remind us that it is our duty to reach out to them.
Some people may argue that it is not their business if someone decides not to serve God again. But as members of the church, as the Body of Christ, we are not just a priestly people who offer sacrifice; we are also a prophetic people, meaning that we are God’s spokespersons. Each of us is an oracle of God. Each of us is a mouthpiece of God. Each of us ought to speak on behalf of God. We are all God’s representatives. We are not only expected to be hearers of the Christian message, but also doers. The first reading taken from Ezekiel 33:7-9 says that God has appointed each of us as watchman (a guard) or sentinel for the house of Israel St. Paul Israel in today’s reading is not just the Jews, we are the new Israel
Today’s message of reaching out is put clearly and practically in today’s gospel. Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.” That is fraternal correction. The reason for fraternal correction is manifested in the second reading taken Romans 13:8-10 “Brothers and sisters, owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another, for one who loves another has fulfilled the law…You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no evil to the neighbor; hence, love is the fulfillment of the law.” To those we love, we correct fraternally. To those we love, we tolerate. To those we love, we are patient with. To those we love, we endure. Where there is love, there is fraternal correction. The commandment to correct a brother or a sister who offended us can only be obeyed when there is love. After all the Peter 4:8 says that “Love covers multitude of sins.”
Conflicts seem to be deeply rooted in the human condition. Even in families there is conflict. Throughout the Bible there are stories of persistent conflict between Cain and Abel, between Sarah and Hagar, between Esau and Jacob. Even among families that appear outwardly peaceful there can be deep divisions. And in churches, Jesus knows we will wrong each other intentionally and unintentionally. A closer look at Paul’s letters to early Christians shows that a good number of them are on how to handle the conflicts that come with being a community. Paul would not have told the community to put aside quarrelling and jealousy if there wasn't a problem would he? Conflicts are not something that Jesus hides. He even gives us a good method for dealing with the wrongs that happen. He says, “Talk one to one.” If that doesn't work bring in some friends to help bring reconciliation. If there is no success bring in the church. If not, then there is a separation.
The Lord says that if your brother or sister sins against you, go and tell him or her. Do not begin to talk about how bad he or she is without first confronting him or her. Nothing is said until it is said before the person. If you are hurt by what someone said or did, go and tell him or her. Be courageous enough. And when going, hold on one hand the courage of saying what is eating you up, and on the other hand hold forgiveness. Forgiveness offers us and our offender healing. It sets us free from the bondage of anger and then widens our space.
Now forgiveness does not mean overlooking what someone has done to us. The emotions we feel when someone hurt us are genuine, real, upsetting, and they must be honestly and painfully acknowledged and dealt with. Doing this can provide a way of healing and forgiveness. Harboring feelings of resentment, unforgiveness, anger, hate and rage can prevent the healing process from ever beginning. To forgive is not to say that what others did to us was okay. To genuinely forgive means refusing to allow hurt to prevent us from growing and moving forward. If I refuse to move forward instead wallow in hurt and anger I become paralyzed by the evil that has taken place. Unforgiveness limits our freedom. An unforgiving spirit can harden one’s heart and block it from any flow of love. One is terribly diminished when he or she refuses to forgive. If I am sincere about forgiveness, I must allow God to remove my hard-heartedness and meanness of spirit. Forgiveness does not mean forgetfulness. It is rather a conscious decision that I make in my head, and pray that it slowly descends to my heart.
Forgiving the person who murdered an innocent child does not mean to push for them to be released from prison. To forgive the violent husband does not necessarily mean choosing to take him back after violence and infidelity. To forgive an adulterous wife who left her husband and children for another man does not mean ignoring the terrible pain the entire family suffered after that. To forgive the priest who has abused children does not mean advocating for his return to active ministry around children.
The commonly used expression “forgive and forget” is not a scriptural and Christian saying. Jesus offers us another way in which we can forgive. Jesus does not want us to simply forget past hurt. He wants us to talk about it with our offenders and then forgive. When we forgive in the name of Jesus Christ and with his grace we can actually help others who have been deeply hurt begin the process of being healed. The Lord wants us to forgive, because to err is human, but to forgive is divine.
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