WHERE IS OUR FAMILY?

WHERE IS OUR FAMILY? 

Fr. Marcel Divine Emeka Okwara CSsR 

Feast Of The Holy Family of Jesus, Mary & Joseph 

Holy Names of Jesus & Mary Catholic Church Memphis, Tennessee, USA 

December 28th 2008

Christmas is one of the special times for families to get together. During this time, families get together for special meals, get together to enjoy each other’s company, relax together, make jokes together and have fun. As we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ who is the only reason that families get together, it is most fitting that during this family time, we reflect on the Holy Family of Nazareth- Jesus, Mary and Joseph. This Holy Family of Nazareth is put before us by the Church this weekend as a model for our families. It even makes more sense to us because today is also the celebration of Kwanza which is the celebration of family, community, and culture. 

 We call the Nazareth family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph “The Holy Family” but that does not mean they did not have problems like every other family. Just as every family has to face problems and overcome them, so also the Holy Family had to face problems. For those who are in doubt of whether they really had problems and for those who have forgotten of the numerous problems they faced, let us enlighten or refresh ourselves: 

The conception (or the pregnancy) of Mary through the Holy Spirit must have been tough for Mary and Joseph. Their worry would be that no one would ever believe their story. Who would believe that her pregnancy was by the power of the Most High? Most would accuse her of infidelity. 

 Do not believe for a split second that Mary was indifferent or untouched or unmoved when Joseph was planning to divorce her before the intervention of the angel of God in a dream. 

Jesus’ birth did not take place in a hospital or even in a human home. It rather took place in an animal’s habitat. This could have inconvenienced both Mary and Joseph a lot.  

When Jesus was born, it was announced that a King has been born. Herod became threatened. He ordered children from ages two down to be slaughtered. He thought that in doing this; somehow the so called child-king will be killed. The family fled to Egypt as refugees because Jesus’ life was in great danger. Mark this; the news of hundred or thousands of Innocent Children wantonly destroyed may have caused so much grief to Mary and Joseph. Their flight to Egypt wasn’t an easy ride. A man or a woman of little faith may have questioned the message of the angel and even given up. Think of what refugees from war-torn countries go through when they flee their nations in search of security and protection. 

When Jesus was twelve years old, the Holy Family experienced anxiety and pain as they searched for Jesus who was later found in the Temple. Mary and Joseph suffered an unpleasant experience for three days as they searched for him. Like Jesus on the cross who asked his Father “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? and did not receive a reply from his Father, Mary too asked Jesus, “Son, why have you done this to us?” and Jesus’ reply “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be about my Father’s affairs?” does not seem to take account of her pain or that of Joseph. 

Before Jesus began his public ministry, we did not hear of Joseph anymore; we presume he died before Jesus could become a grown man. This means the Holy Family suffered the greatest pain of all families- the pain of bereavement and separation through death. The death of a beloved is always a painful experience in any family. The death of my own father when my family needed him most was an excruciating painful experience. It somewhat slowed down my family’s growth; exposed me, my brothers and sisters and mother to unspeakable hardship that we weren’t prepared for yet. 

 When Jesus started his public ministry, it was not in any way easy for him. His constant absence from home must have taken its toll on Mary. Simeon had prophesized in the Temple that a sword of sorrow would pierce her soul. The rejection of Jesus by the same people he toiled and labored for must have grieved him and his Mother. Before Jesus was eventually put to death, there were other times that the Jewish authorities- Pharisee, Scribes and the Levites plotted to kill him. The growing hostility to Jesus must have caused huge pain to both Mary and Jesus. These experiences must have cost sleepless nights for his Mother. Like most single mothers of today, it was difficult for Mary dealing with her son’s absence from home and the consequent exposure to death. The vulnerability of Jesus must have caused Mary the loss of appetite. In the Gospel of Luke 7:34, Jesus was described as a useless person, as someone who is of no use to the community: “Behold a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax-collectors and sinners.” This public definition and description of Jesus must have caused some grief and great concern to Jesus and Mary. It is possible the Mother called his attention and probably asked him to reconsider his vocation. Most mothers will want their children to think again about what they do since the community is not appreciating their contribution. If I were despised as such in my community in Nigeria because of the selfless work I am doing among my people, I am sure my mother, out of care for me, will ask me to reconsider my contribution. Mary may have done that! Jesus, in his humanity may have even questioned himself at times. 

The saddest moment of all came when Mary watched her only Son die a shameful death on the cross. Watching her Son killed as a common criminal, killed in the midst of other robbers must have broken her heart. 

 But in all these problems, the Holy Family triumphed. In all these trials and tribulations, the Holy Family remained together as their face their daily problems. You may be asking what kept them together leading to a glorious triumph. The answer is LOVE. The answer is love for each other and God. Jesus’ love for Mary and Joseph and Mary’s love for Jesus and Joseph, and Joseph’s love for Mary and Jesus kept together. On the cross, Jesus demonstrated the great love he has for his Mother when he became worried about leaving her behind, so he asked his close friend and disciple John to look after her, saying to Mary, “Woman, behold your son’, and to John, ‘behold your Mother’ (John 19: 26-27). 

 What should hold our families together in times of difficulty is love and forgiveness. It is love which triumphs in the end. The love that binds up the family should lead to honest talking, dialogue and reconciliation. Parents should love their children and children should love their parents. 

 The greatest threat facing our families today is that we don’t spend enough time together. We don’t pray together. Most parents don’t know what their children are doing. And sometimes children too don’t understand why their parents don’t make themselves available to them. We are too busy working or socializing or watching TV that we spend less time for each other. We are too busy to even hear the cry of our sick child, or sick spouse. We are too busy to take care of our elderly father and mother. What matters to us more is becoming successful in our profession. In his address to Irish families, Pope John Paul II said, “Dear fathers and mothers believe in your vocation, that beautiful vocation of marriage and parenthood which God has given to you. Believe that God is with you…do not think that anything you will do in life is more important than to be a good Christian father and mother. …do not listen to those who tell you that working at a secular job, succeeding in a secular profession is more important than the vocation of giving life and caring for this life as mother (and father). The future of the Church, the future of humanity depends in great part on parents and on the family life that they build in their homes. “ 

 Brethren, where is our family? What is happening in our family today? Where is papa and where is mama? Why is the family life so broken down that some young people are so scared to step into it? Where is your child? Whether you like it or not, you will one day have to answer this question before God. Sacred Scripture says in Psalm 127: 3 “Children are a gift from the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward.” This alludes to the fact that children are gifts from God. Parents are therefore stewards and care-takers, to mould and shape the lives of the young ones. To all those men, who get women pregnant and abandon them to cater for their babies, you will one day have to answer to that question “Where is your child or children?” To those women who dump their new born babies in Refuse dumps or elsewhere, you will one day have to answer that question “Where is your child or children?” To those women who abort their pregnancies due to their greed and selfishness (oh! I don’t want this baby to inconvenience me) you will have to answer the question “Where is your child or children?” To parents who spend more time pursuing career and profession, who hardly spend time with their family, who come back late when the kids have gone to bed, to those men who sneak into the house late and drunk and drugged, “Where are your children?” To those mothers who at least provocation, file for a divorce, thereby exposing the children to danger, the question today is “Where are your children?” 

 Our society today is burdened with confusion and chaos because our children, like plants, have been without tending. Many children have grown so wild and ugly that there is complete moral decadence and spiritual bankruptcy. And these are our future doctors, priest, nuns, teachers, scientists, lawyers, community organizers, community leaders and national leaders; these are the hopes of the future, the hope of the Church and society. What we make of them determines the kind of society we will live in; for they are the products of whatever training we give them. The book of Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” The parent is the most important teacher a child will ever have. 

 Looking at the human families today, I have identified five reasons why parents fail in the raising of their children: 

 Failure in Family Devotion: The Holy Father, Pope John Paul II called the family “The Domestic Church”. It is the domestic Church because that is where children learn to love God, learn to love their neighbor and respect others. The greatest school a child can attend is the family altar. It is often said that a family that prays together, stays together. There are people who pride themselves in leadership positions, either in the Church or society and help build other people’s lives while neglecting to feed their own families spiritually. According to Pope John Paul II, “Your homes should always remain homes of prayer, homes of daily prayers.” 

Failure to Give Enough Attention: When parents neglect and fail to supervise their kids, they expose them to the corrupting influences of the society. The mother and the father must know what their children are doing. As long as they live under your roof, you must know where they have gone. A child left to himself or herself certainly engages himself or herself in some other things. It is disheartening that most homes today are merely boarding houses or dormitories. Children merely pass the night there, while receiving their training outside from wrong sources. There is a mad rush for basic necessities, rush after wealth and thirst for sophistication. We get money, we make money but end up loosing the reason we labor and work so hard. 

Failure to Lay Good Example: Many parents fail today because their lives and practices contradict what they teach and instruct their kids. If you do not want your kids to tell lies, why do you tell lies and equally encourage them to tell lies to visitors when they come? If you count it wrong to be immoral, why do you bring in your sex-partner into the house? Why do you engage in illicit and questionable affairs with other women who are not your wives? It is shameful to hear Elementary school kids talk about the boyfriends of their mothers. What example are the men leaving for their kids to emulate? What is your legacy? What are you leaving behind for your children? If you do not want your kids to be tale-bearers, why do you always gossip and backbite? If you do not want them to be disrespectful, why do you slander and despise others? If you want them to be neat and organized, why are you dirty, rough, unkempt, and even in house-keeping? What of parents who argue, quarrel and fight before their children? In Church and in school, they are taught that fighting is wrong, that every disagreement should be settled amicably, while misunderstanding should be resolved in the spirit of love and forgiveness. But at home, papa and mama openly quarrel, abuse themselves and fight every other day before them. 

Failure to Give Balanced Education: Every child needs informal and formal education. Parents should not leave their responsibility into the hands of the teachers at school. No teacher can train or educate your children better than you. No one can perfectly assume the responsibility of parents. It is not enough to send your children to school; you must give them the domestic training. They must learn how to clean the house, wash their clothes, and how to cook. 

Failure to Reprimand: It is most unfortunate that our society has become such that children are no longer corrected for fear of being accused of child- abuse. When a child acts dishonorably, the best the parents can do is, “Go into your house and never watch the TV and never touch the Computer.” We can hardly spank the kids when they misbehave. I know there are abuses; there are mothers or fathers who abuse their kids in the name of correcting them for an error done. Some mothers or fathers excuse the faults of their children on the ground that they are still young. “Oh! He is still young, she is still young, he will change; she will change; he does not even understand what he is doing”. But what they fail to understand is that the seed of vanity is so deeply sown in young hearts that parents must never make the mistake of cultivating it. The Book of Proverbs 13:24 says “He who spares his rod hates his son; but he that loves him chastises him at times” Dearest beloved, as we celebrate the feast of the Holy Family today, as we celebrate Kwanzaa, as we celebrate our family and culture, let’s ask ourselves today, “Where is my family? “Where are my children?” 

 May the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph help us in our struggle to shape our families like theirs Amen.